Have you ever felt tension with a friend and cannot figure out what the tension is rooted in?
Does it seem like you are always saying something that causes your friend to become offended or to withdraw from you?
Is it hard to make a deeper connection with a friend and your current efforts to grow closer are simply being ignored or failing miserably?
The famous developmental psychologist, Erik Erikson, said these words:
"The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others."
How can you get to "know yourself"? By taking a personality test!
A personality test is a great tool to strengthen your friendships and here are 3 reasons why:
1. A PERSONALITY TEST WILL REVEAL TO YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT CRAZY OR WEIRD. You simply have a personality.
Have you ever wondered why you feel so exhausted after brunching with a few friends? So, maybe you ate one too many pancakes but carbs don't make you want to turn off your cell phone for the day and hide away in your home so you can recharge from all that "people time". You start to panic that something might be wrong with you because you feel so drained by the friends you love. A personality test might reveal that you are an introvert and what makes you operate as your "best self" is that you require " alone time". Nothing is wrong with you at all. You simply need to give yourself permission to be you so you can be your best you! There is fantastic site called:
It is a free personality test that only takes 12 minutes to complete. All you need is your honesty and a maybe a nice mint tea to sip on for moral support. At the end of the test, you will receive a fairly accurate (depending on your honesty) and comprehensive description of your personality type and how your personality translates into the following areas:
STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES
One of the things that many life coaches and counselors suggest is that you record the results of your own personality type in a journal or maybe in the "NOTES" app on your phone.
As you encourage your friends to take the personality test too, make sure to record their personality type as well. You can than look up their personality type and compare it to your own. How are you the same? How are you different?
Some folks have thrown "Personality Parties". Friends gather together over some wine and pizza and take personality tests together. It can be helpful to have a friend nearby if you are stuck on answering a question. After everyone has received their results, they can compare notes and discuss how to appreciate and better relate to one another's personality type.
If you would like to throw your own "Personality Party", fill in form below and I will send you the FREE "PERSONALITY PARTY PLANNING KIT".
2. A PERSONALITY TEST WILL REVEAL WHY THERE IS CONSISTENT TENSION IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP. Your personalities are misunderstanding each other.
When my mother was in her late thirties, she had a miscarriage. It was a painful time for her and more than anything her friends wanted to surround her with support. One friend told me that as soon as she heard about my mother's miscarriage, she drove to the house to embrace my mother and offer her a shoulder to cry on. When she walked through the door, my mother's first reaction to her presence was to run away upstairs and cry alone in her bedroom. Initially, this friend was hurt. She felt like mother had rejected her support. She went home feeling that my mother did want the care she offered. The next day, my mother called to ask if she would accompany her to the hospital while she gave birth to her stillborn baby. This friend said,
"It was in that moment I realized, your mother was not rejecting my support. She simply needed time to process. Her personality needs space when pain arrives. She still needed me, but she needed me to allow her to be her."
Understanding each other's personalities will help us communicate more effectively, care for one another more sufficiently, and encourage each other to embrace our personalities with honesty. There is less tension when we know what each other needs.
3. A PERSONALITY TEST WILL REVEAL WHO YOU DON'T EASILY CLICK WITH AND WHY. She is not stuck up or aloof. Her personality simply clashes with your's and you need to be mature enough to see that.
Look, we've all felt this way about someone at some point in our life. We meet this person and they just rub us the wrong way! We want to roll eyes every time they open their mouth. We want to throw up when a mutual friend says:
"Oh, by the way, I invited (INSERT NAME OF ANNOYING WOMAN) to join us ...."
We can't understand why we dislike this person so much but we do! When this happens, it serves us well to go back and brush up in understanding our own personality. Perhaps it is our personality's weakness that we feel so judgmental or irritated by this person. Maybe we keep misinterpreting their motives because we don't like the way their personality communicates.
Several years ago, I find myself always feeling terribly insecure around a woman who seemed to speak her mind so easily. She was happy to share her opinions and was not concerned when other's disagreed with her. My ENFJ personality type was bothered by this. Why didn't she care that her speaking honestly about her beliefs on a subject could possibly offend another? When I realized it was a personality clash, I was able to recognize the gift this woman brought into our friendship. She was willing to disagree with others without guilt and I needed someone like that in my life to encourage me to do the same. She is one of my best friends to this day.
Understanding the personality in another may help you turn a frenemy into a bestie. When we choose to get to know someone and how they operate, we tend to find ourselves less annoyed and more appreciative of their differences.
So, now what?
Go to 16 Personalities right now and take the personality test.
Study your results and record your personality type in a bullet journal or in the NOTES app on your phone.
Send the personality test to a few close friends... or...BETTER YET... host a PERSONALITY PARTY! Gather a few friends in your home, feed them delicious food, and take the test together. Afterwards, discuss your results and how you can better relate to each other's personality types. To get you started, fill in the form below to receive your FREE kit to help plan this awesome party...
Don't be shy about sharing what personality type you are with a friend and don't hesitate to ask them if they know their's! If they scrunch up their face in confusion as to what you are talking about , just send them the link to this post and invite them to your Personality Party!
Knowing yourself will ultimately help you become a better friend. So, find out who you are and take the time to get acquainted with your friends' personality types. This will strengthen friends and equip you best serve your friends!
Noelle is a researcher, speaker and podcaster. She is the podcast producer/host for Friending Podcast and is a regular co-host for the podcast, Slices of Life. She lives in North Jersey with her hot husband and two wild children. She is a big fan of Constant Comment Tea, the Oscars, and Lesley Knope.
Noelle is passionate about helping women empower women through art of friendship.
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