LETTER TO MY EX-FRIENDS.
Dear Friends of the Past,
Some time ago, you and I were friends. For various reasons or perhaps no good reason at all, our friendship came to an end. We don't talk. We don't meet up. We do not even connect via social media with a click of a "like" or the annual birthday greeting posted on a news feed somewhere. Simply put, we are not in each other's lives at all.
The research tells us that this is normal - "friendship breaks ups are inevitable". Whether the ending of a friendship is specifically verbalized or the silent drifting apart quietly suffocates the life of a friendship..... the experts all agree that friendships ending is a common social pain. We will all make friends and lose friends.
The initial anger, confusion, hurt, and shame all faded with time. In same cases, it took a lot of time but each of us made new friends and the loss of what you and I had was filled in with new memories shared with another.
I am not writing to highlight any blame on your part. I know that I carry a good portion of the cause of why we ended in the first place: I stopped showing up, I didn't know how to be there for you, I was to self-preoccupied with my own life, I moved and was bad at keeping in touch, I hurt you with something I said, I hurt you by not saying anything at all, I took the other person's side, I required too much and I gave you too little. Did I miss anything? I wouldn't be surprised if I did.
I wanted to say that I am sorry.
And I wanted to tell you that I remember the good times and the good things you gave me too.
I remember how you poured me a cup of tea when I landed on your front stoop one early morning, crying my eyes out. I remember how you made me laugh so hard that I literally did pee my pants and then you pinky swore not to tell a soul. I remember our long drives, on our way to a great adventure, with the windows rolled down and us singing along to the music from the top of our lungs. I remember all ways you celebrated my birthday because you knew I have "birthday issues". I still smile when I remember one of our inside jokes and the silly nicknames we affectionately bestowed upon each other.
I remember it all.
Truthfully, I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. I am doubtful that we will have some kind of dramatic moment "of talking things out" or reconnecting "like old times". I am not opposed to this but I am realistic that our lives have moved on.
Most friendships are just for a season but all friendships leave a life-long impact.
Although, we are no longer friends, I wanted to tell you that your friendship is meaningful to me. Despite what has "gone down" and despite "growing apart", I recognize the good part of the story you wrote in my life. I am thankful for the good times and the good things you gave me. I am thankful for you.
FOR MORE ON FRIENDSHIP BREAK UP, LISTEN TO EPISODE 28 OF FRIENDING PODCAST'S "DEATH OF FRIENDSHIP".
Noelle is a speaker, podcaster, and self proclaimed: Friendtor. (Friend +Mentor = Friendtor). She is the podcast producer/host for Friending Podcast and is a regular co-host for the podcast, Slices of Life. She lives in North Jersey with her hot husband and two wild children. She is a big fan of Constant Comment Tea, the Oscars, and Lesley Knope.
Noelle is passionate about helping women find grow in their calling and encourage one another to do the same through the art of friendship. For more random facts on Noelle you can click here or stalk her on Instagram.